Wednesday, January 22, 2014

One year of dad

It's 10.49 EST. Dad passed away exactly one year back.  We did small get together in Kankal in his memory.

To put things in context, Akkineni nagesware rao passed away today.

I prepared and sent my resume today for a solution architect role.


Thursday, January 02, 2014

Life goes on

Happy new year !!! It's 2014. wow .. I complete 24 years of new year celebration. I remember when I first celebrated new year in the year 1990 where we wrote happy new year on paper slips and throw up in the air. I was nine years old back then. From that year ,I almost remember what I did on every new year and I'm proud of my great memory skills.

Talking of memory skills , both Pranav and Abhi surprised me with their memory skills. Pranav for having the memory skill and Abhi for not having it. In 2011, we stayed in aprt K90 in islanders and Pranav and Vig left for India in Nov 2011 and Pranav was three year old then. we came back to islanders in Apr 2013 to the same block with apartment just above where we used to stay. Pranav remembered the old apartment and asked why we are going upstairs instead of our apartment. We are shocked !!! he remembered though he didn't see the apart for 1.5 years.

On the other hand Abhi forgot his ammamma in the span of 2.5 months though he spent most of time with her for previous six months. He is just one year eight months and may be too early to judge him but I clearly remember Pranav recognizing me at the age of one year five months when I went to Finland for 2.5 months.

What else? Life is going on... Of late , I'm thinking too much about stable life.  I'm looking for a life where I live in the place with good weather (no snow for god's sake) and good job with good money and with good schools and probably where I can buy house.   I almost have every thing in Cleveland except the good weather. I don't like snow and cold weather and I hate that I needed to spend 15 mins in dressing up and cleaning the car before going out.  I hate that Pranav and Abhi can't play outside for six months of the year. I also hate that Pranav and Abhi needs to spend that time watching cartoons on TV/Ipad. I also hate that Vig needs to drive the car with two small kids to take them to the school.  So, I want to move to the place where there's no snow.

Regarding the job. I like what I do at Deloitte. I'm proud of what I do in day to day life.now being a manager , I need to manage the project. I think I can do that effectively but that's not my strength. I'm not a great people guy. It's not that people don't like me but it's more about keeping relations with most of the team and I need to something which I don't like doing it. I'm not a social guy and It's important to be social if you want to grow in Deloitte. My strength is design. I can build great systems for client. I'm probably one of the few in my field who have as much knowledge as me in what I do day to day. Probably solution architect / product management roles are more apt for me.

The other thing that's on my mind these days is work life balance. I spent most of my time with work in 2013.  I really don't know what work life balance means.  Though I spent most of time with work in 2013 and the free time I have, I feel I didn't spend qualitatively with my kids. So, If I learn how to spend quality time then work life balance is not an issue. I feel most of people complain about not having time , don't know how to manage their time. So, It's more about improving myself about time management. Once I do that work life balance won't be an issue.

Coming to 2014 goals - I have only one goal. To be fit. not necessarily loosing weight but staying fit. I was feeling tired after coming from work in 2013 and I don't want that to happen in 2014. To keep it simple , I want to have just one goal and get it done. optional goals are to get PMP certified and other things.

It's almost  one year since bapu passed away. I get a sad feeling thinking about him but tears hardly come. In 2007 when he got sick , I used to get tears whenever I was talking about him. I didn't get tears even when I saw amma in India. I don't like seeing anyone without bottu.  I didn't like to see amma that way. Apart from that I didn't have any feelings. May be I was feeling good about dad passing away. I used to feel very bad that he has to go through that much pain. He almost suffered for seven years and I don't want to suffer him anymore. I was not there when he passed away. I didn't want to go to India when he passed away.  A year after, I regret that I was not there.  I should have gone there.  At that time I didn't want to see him in that stage but now I feel I should have saw him for the final time.

Other thing I was thinking about is human relationships. Looking at the people around me , including relatives, less than 1% are genuine and you can trust. Others you can't. It's such a sad thing.  One thing I don't understand is every one in relatives except me to call them and they hardly call me. That puzzles me all the time.

I think I screwed my relation with Vij. I'm not having the same comfort with him any more when I was talking to him. I think I messed up dealing the service apartment issue and other finance thing with him . I don't know where to correct it ,but I have to better the relationship with him. I still rate him as my best friend. I almost cried when he left to bangalore for higher studies.  I met Ravi in India and I felt happy to meet him. I some how spoiled my relations with his dad for not handling service apartment again. Big lesson learnt !

I had this surgery again and I have to maintain low profile so I'm staying alone for most of the time. I'm playing chess and watching movies to pass time.

Overall, I feel very happy and proud about my life. I'm having one of the best lives. I'm one of the rich people with enough money and with good real estate investments in India.  In 2014, I would continue to be happy with what I am.